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»  » Texts in English (Nagualism/Seminars) » Anaheim, Workshop February 15 2003


Anaheim, Workshop February 15 2003

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Facing Oncoming Time

We met in my favorite convention center. I had my usual sense of cognitive dissonance finding myself in an America Mecca as we drove by the main entrance to Disneyland and saw diverse family groups crossing every which way to get in. It seemed to me that the entrance (like a wide alley) was singularly undistinguished and I would probably not have noticed it at all were it not for so many kids eagerly streaming toward it. When I got to the contention center, people with blue mats were streaming (not in quite such numbers) toward the third floor. In the rooms next to us was a large Falun Gong gathering.

Somebody told me this as the signs at the entrance were in Chinese; so were all the participants that I saw. A group of them were outside on the balcony area doing their own magical passes. I wanted to get a look at them inside but underneath the Chinese characters of the signs at each door was No Enter. For those whove missed the news, the Falun Gong movement is a widespread group who are being persecuted in China for doing pretty much the same thing we practitioners are doing raising their energy levels, striving for impeccability, improving their lives by changing their point of view.

We began by doing a breath. First the scarecrow, then making half moons on the floor with one foot at a time, shifting the weight to the other foot, then stretching our hands up and exhaling while sliding the hands down the body to place the knuckles on the toes, finally inhaling up again. We did the steps of nature, sliding the feet back (like a bull pawing the ground) and the lateral kick.

Nyei gave the first talk. She said the passes we were doing came from a different state of awareness, from inner silence. She welcomed us and asked for the new people she said there were 25 to raise their hands. She said that Carlos was always very interested when a new person joined them because they keep us experiencing present time. New people bring a fresh view and are less likely to feel they know it all the way seasoned practitioners sometimes do. She said that Carlos always wanted to hear from the new people. She made a gesture encompassing the large room saying: See the vastness of the sensory input and then asked if any of the new people had had any perceptions so far.

One woman said: I felt something warm inside me.
Another woman felt that: Everyone was on the same wave -- a oneness -- a buzz.
Nyei said that since we were forging a new syntax, it was difficult to express these new sensations.
A man said he had felt a strange familiarity with the people and the room.
Nyei said that a new cycle of seers began when the seers recognized they would never know everything beyond the human form. She defined stalking and the assemblage point, and that we would be tracking subtle shifts of the AP or tracking energy.
A woman said that she had initially assumed the floor was a normal flat floor, but after awhile she could see it rolling. (This rug is very psychedelic with a wave pattern that undulates in the third dimension.)

Nyei said that seers stalked dreaming by investigating their feelings of vitality and instead of shrugging off these experiences or taking them for granted, they noticed the positions they were in when they felt an increase of vitality and thats how they discovered the magical passes. Nyei said that Carlos had always maintained that this was a pragmatic practice that one had to find out for oneself: Find your own enhanced perception. Dont take someone elses word for it.
A seasoned practitioner said: I feel that Im with my family.

A practitioner from a group in Albuquerque said: When new people visited their group, they all felt there was a shift in the practice.
Nyei said that we had to resist being on automatic pilot or in a groove, that the groups should make a note of how do you integrate newcomer in groups?
We had language and now we could use it for another purpose, to make a panorama of perception.

She said: We spend most of our time at the back of the train, smoking and drinking and taking everything for granted with a been there, done that attitude which allows no room for new perceptions. In the caboose we use a lot of energy to hang back, to criticize, to feel offended; in the caboose, we have too much time to think. Instead, go to the front of the train and see everything from a different angle, where things arent so known. We have to deal with the unknown so lets not treat the unknown as the known. Our perspective can shift so fast one second at the front of the train and then were right back in the caboose again. We have to be aware of these shifts and notice what triggers them.

Being a warrior, said Carlos, is for those who have the desire or the desperation to face the unknown. He wanted to spread these ideas because he was a proletariat and didnt want to keep secrets. Nyei talked about the centers of vitality left pancreas was for feeling, right liver for ?, adrenals/kidneys around the back. Because we dont have enough energy, we cant be aware. If youre at the front of the train, you cant be hitting the snooze button.
She said that Buckminster Fuller had coined the term Tensegrity to describe the integrity inherent in all structures, the tension and release that allows their form and yet makes them flexible enough to deform and then rebound to their usual shape when the pressure is withdrawn. Carlos saw the same thing in our own development changing just one little habit can make the whole structure of ourselves shift and move the assemblage point. Finding a way to fix these tiny shifts in behavior is stalking. The shift moves the assemblage point and stalking fixes it in the new position. She talked about the relationship between dreaming and stalking.

The next lecture was given by Scott Brandon and Miles Reid: They introduced Joining Forces pass (Lujans pass).
Miles observed that 100 new palm trees had been planted around the convention center in keeping with the workshop theme of tuning into a different orientation to time by sensing the slower time of trees.
Miles said Carlos asked him: Cholo, what do you know for sure?
Nothings for sure.
What do you know for sure? Whats an energetic fact?
I perceive, Im alive, Im going to die.
Miles said: The one thing I know for sure is that things are changing, the universe is in flux. Were only here for a moment but we dont act as if we are. He motioned around: All this could end RIGHT NOW. Miles said that every year a committee of linguists would pick the one phrase that had been the most often used in the year. In 2002, Miles said that phrase had been: Weapons of mass destruction.
In an instant we can evolve, he said. If you realize that this is IT, you can get it. If you are aware that this is the last time you are in front of this that what you do could be your last act in life, then you cant be so sure of anything thats the position of facing oncoming time.

Gavin and Brandon demonstrated the form: In an instant.
A warrior is willing to make his last stand here and now.
While Gavin and Brandon demonstrated the pass, Miles narrated it:
First encounter: aggressive and suspicious.
Second encounter: defeated, separate.
Third encounter: go back to interaction with a new awareness.
Miles said that Carlos was talking once and he said: Miles is very organized but he only thinks of himself. Then he turned to Miles and asked: Are you offended? Miles said: Self importance is not only a warriors supreme enemy but the enemy of the whole human race. In maintaining the illusory idea of our grandeur, we miss the actual grandeur of the universe.
He continued with the pass: The pass illustrates that we react first from our limbic system, our reptilian brain stem, our most primitive self. The limbic system sets us in motion, it is reactive and the response is flight or fight. Instead, we must try to act from a state of silence. So in any situation, a warrior retreats for a moment and immerses himself in something extraneous the fifth principle of the art of stalking. But a warrior is never alone and he meets others on the path and they can join forces for an instant.

We practiced In An Instant with partners.

Afternoon session:

As I came into the room, I saw Renata Murez sitting behind the sound table and I was struck by how exquisite she looked. She was reading something intently, looking both focused and very composed, her red framed reading glasses were down her nose, her skin was pale but luminous and she just looked wonderful. I thought Thats what impeccability looks like.

We began by practicing In An Instant with a partner.

Lecture: Reni and Aerin: We must learn to recognize when were in alignment and when were out of alignment, when our feathers are ruffled. She gave us an exercise to write in our Navigators Log about What always gets you. What makes you react predictably. What pushes your buttons.

We wrote, then found a partner and we talked to each other about what we had written. The partner probed into the situation and gave ideas about why or how we could have reacted differently.

The next exercise was to go back to the first scene and fill in the details or the history how had you been feeling? Were you feeling off balance or tired or hungry, etc. Did your feelings contribute to your reaction.

Again we paired off with our partner and talked about what we had brought to the situation and perhaps might improve our own disposition to react by sleeping enough, not trying to do too much, eating better, etc.

The Tensegrity structure (a geodesic sort of structure of rods and rubber bands) was shown and collapsed. It sprang instantly back into a circle.

Then Nyei said: Thank every witness to your reactions, to your behavior, good or bad. Everything is a lesson. As a mass we can shift the balance. This illustrates the 100 monkey principle. Some monkeys on an isolated island began using a tool. Other monkeys elsewhere also began using the same tool at the same time. This is the effect of mass energy.
She said: Realize that Im a 100% accountable for my actions, instead of feeling victimized and oppressed or unfairly treated. The effect of being part of a mass is that we can learn more quickly, using each others experiences to reflect on our own. A hermit on a mountain doesnt get the answers all alone. You need other people. We cant do it alone.
She talked about how our self-programming sets us up so that predictable things always seem to occur to us.
A woman, who told a story about being overwhelmed by too many things to do before she came to the workshop, realized: Something always happens as long as I continue to think it will happen.
Another woman told a story about how she felt frustrated and irritable because Cleargreen hadnt sent her a packet of materials and she couldnt find the convention center. She was wandering around lost but she noticed that felt immediately better when a cab stopped and the cab driver (who didnt know where it was either) was sympathetic and gave her a ride in his cab until they found another person to ask. She found that she shifted to a better frame of mind as soon as someone showed some interest in her problem and tried to be helpful.
Another woman said she was always telling herself she was an impatient person. She changed this mantra and began telling herself she was a calm and patient person, and, lo and behold, she was.
Lorenzo told a funny story about being in a coffee house, reading his paper. He got up for a moment and when he came back, he found a man (I think he was an agent) arrogantly reading his paper. Thats my paper, said Lorenzo indignantly. So? said the man continuing to read it. Lorenzo was filled with violent impulses and felt like killing the man. When the man went away, he said to Lorenzo: Eat me.
Nyei said that while losing it, you can always look at your body posture, check your breathing, track your inner dialogue this alone will keep us in the moment. Make a tiny shift to break cycles instead of going to default intent auto pilot.

Evening:

Mystery points and In An Instant.

Renata Murez told us a story of her experience of direct perception. She had been in a business meeting on Friday which was a waste of time and resulted in no resolution, just more problems. She stayed awake all night thinking: I should have said ... Taisha called her in the morning and asked:
How is everything going?
Fine, I guess, except for this difficult man at work.
Difficult? echoes Taisha. Pick me up at 3. All will be prepared.
Taisha got into Renis car and began giving her directions along a new route, up unknown twisty streets to a neighborhood of big lawns and trees. She told her to park beside a gate and they entered a park. Reni was reminded of a botany class she had taken and she began walking along pointing out and identifying plants and trees, Thats an agapanthus. Theres an Australian spear plant... Taisha just kept walking and nodding. She stopped at a huge 60 foot oak tree and said: Trees and humans can have relationships. Trees like our speed. If we gaze at them we can sense exchanged emanations. In the morning a man gazes at a tree, in the afternoon the tree gazes at the man.
So Reni stopped and gazed at the tree. She felt a pulsating sensation, and saw white tendrils and tiny white dots. The tree was swaying and her arms felt heavy. Then Reni looked at the backs of her hands. Her arms had become stalks and her hands were five-pointed leaves.
She asked: We use only a bare minimum of our perception. If we use more than our visual sense, can we sense more?
Taisha answered her: Stand still and face oncoming time.

We practiced Facing Oncoming Time again, this time with a tape of wind, bird song, and a thunderstorm. The apprentice musicians: Amber, Robert, Brian, Nyei put on a musical interlude with wind-like sound effects and singing. It gave me a feeling of infinity, of how beautiful the world really is in its manifestations that we take so for granted: the wind soughing in the trees, for example.

Sunday Morning:

We did the mystery spots with the balls and then Facing Oncoming Time form with most of the lights turned off so it was quite dark in the room.

Nyei/Darien Panel:
Whats new? What did you perceive doing the Facing Oncoming Time pass?
Some people were aware of communicating with others in the room through their roots.
One person was aware of there not being a sun, of it being like night.
Someone said: Light was like an inhalation, dark like an exhalation.
One person said that trees were energy stalkers. They dont grow their branches helter skelter but deliberately so they can be gather as much light as possible.
Another person was reminded of going helicopter skiing (i.e., being dropped by helicopter in some remote mountain place) and skiing through the trees, going so fast that there was no time to think; and merging his consciousness with the trees as he skiied through them. It was the only way I got down alive.
One person sensed the Tensegrity structure of a tree, that they are going up and down at the same time, the trunk being a bridge between the branches and the roots, caught in two opposing forces.
A woman said: When we look at a tree, we only see the half above ground.

Nyei said that in stalking the known, unknown and the unknowable, we have to acknowledge the unknowable and that we can free energy by losing self-importance. We can talk about The News for hours, but whats new with you? We need to get to a sense of accountability for our actions, for what happens to us: if were having a violent encounter, whos to blame? Impeccability is using energy properly. We have learned the predators way of assessing the world: its a very efficient way to recognize food and danger a perceived threat. Being in the lizard flight/fight response mode leads to pain, isolation and suffering.

Nyei said that Carlos would tell the apprentices: Im asking you to investigate. Dont take my word for anything. Stand still. Examine whats behind what we say they dont understand, I dont like them. Those words mean that perception has shut down. He told Nyei that she was very violent. Me? The bunny rabbit? she said to him. It takes energy to see mystery/complexity. Change doesnt happen through epiphanies, but very gradually. Thats what why were doing the tree form time has a different quality for trees.
A man said: The monkey body is the lens though which we perceive.
Nyei said that Carlos would say to them: Its not your fault; its not their fault. Its not a question of fault. Now you have accountability. Youre not getting rid of your usual responses; youre just becoming aware of them, and whittling away at them.

Then we practiced in an instant (the second part).

Lecture by Aerin Alexander: A story about seeing energy.

Carlos invited Aerin and Darien over to his house and he gave them a mini tour of his garden and the trees in it. He pointed to one and said:
This one is a real fighter. I thought it wouldnt make it so I just left it alone. Its a lemon tree a powerful warrior. Look at it now.
There was a bougainvillea with red and pink flowers dividing the two patios of Carlos house. He had carefully planted it with the help of Nuri Alexander (the Blue Scout). He also praised the hedges around his house and said it was important to keep them moist.
As they continued the tour, Aerin was conscious that the sun shone more and more brightly. She thought Carlos was very proud of the plants around his house. He paused for awhile as if waiting for a signal. Then he walked over to Darien and Aerin and talked about them, carefully selecting his words. He praised them as well as the trees. Florinda gave them hats to wear and food and drink, and told German jokes.
Carlos said suddenly to Aerin: Look at Darien. She can speak four languages and shes a true artist.
Aerin immediately froze up with resentment. She couldnt look at Darien, felt her breathing become fast and shallow. She thought: What about me? I know languages too. And I took a class in drawing.
He went on talking but the only thing she heard of the rest of his discourse was: You love Darien, dont you? Then he whistled an Argentinian tango.
At future meetings in the garden, they found out more about the trees growing there. Carlos sang. He said to Aerin: Isnt this a gorgeous tree? You love Darien, dont you?
Aerin said: All I could remember was the fight Id had with her that morning.
But the trees made her calm and she felt a liking for them. Later on Carlos was pruning an orange tree on a ladder. Aerin said: he danced with the tree before cutting a branch.
She went to work pruning with Darien, but she became impatient because there were so many small branches. She worked hard and was daydreaming of getting an Oscar award for her careful pruning.
She got so carried away she hurt her thumb. Then she remembered that Carlos pruned without hurrying. She said: We are so involved in criticizing others, we dont perceive anything.
She saw the tree, felt its presence in front of her, tried to prune it like dancing without an agenda. She looked at Darien who was also pruning so dexterously, like an artist. She was suddenly overwhelmed with affection and said to Darien: Im so happy. I love you, and Darien opened her big green eyes and showed her two front teeth.

We did the mystery spots passes with a partner this time. Hayley Alexander and Reni demonstrated, along with Darien, Aerin and Gavin and ?. One partner lay on the mat, and the other
used the Teflon ball in different places, first on the left arm and then on the left leg.
Then we switched places. Then practitioners were asked what they had experienced. One person said they could have gone on being the recipient forever. I think we all decided it was so nice, wed like to do it again.

Lecture: Announcements were made about upcoming workshops and classes. Theres going to be one in Amsterdam and New York and Mexico City, as well as a new round of classes in Los Angeles.

We were given an assignment to report in to Cleargreen by March 18 (by the next full moon):

(1) Facing Oncoming Time go out and have a direct experience of a tree and write a description.

(2) Look at moments of collaboration. Send concise specific examples of collaborations you have had.

And then it ended. There was a question and answer period later that evening, but I couldnt stay for that and hope someone else can write an account.

I found I had a much more relaxed attitude toward this workshop than I usually have. We spent a lot of time doing passes in pairs (Joining Forces for an Instant) and this is normally torture for me, especially looking into a total strangers eyes and connecting. I also have a hard time learning the pairs passes mostly because Im so self-conscious that I cant concentrate on the movements. But for the first time, I enjoyed my partners and the passes. I gained some real insight from what my partner said about the exercise re having my buttons pushed. While in the middle of doing In an Instant, I looked at my partner and saw a being who was going to die and understood in that same instant that I was going to die too. Under these circumstances, joining forces for an instant was all we could do.
I also had much less trouble than usual with the Navigators Log exercises. Usually, Im so busy second guessing or spinning into intellectual quagmires (Now what to they mean by...?) that I miss the actual instructions and go off on tangents. This time the exercises seemed clear and pointed to me and even the collaboration exercise where I wrote not about a successful collaboration but about one that had gone awry made me aware that I had willed it to go wrong because of my determination not to go along with another persons way of doing things. So that exercise turned out to be extremely instructive as I realized very clearly that we sabotage ourselves by clinging to our rigid codes of behavior which is all based on the enemy of mankind -- self- importance. Also, the lectures all seemed to hang together and make a lot of sense to me. Maybe I am learning to listen better.

It was a beautiful workshop.

sji
   

A whisper

I was tired; my body was relaxed, at ease and aching at the same time after a weekend seminar in Anaheim. When I got home, the first thing I did after getting out of the car was saying hi to all the trees around my house (I rarely pay any attention to them while rushing in and out the house), specially one of them that I usually feel annoyed by because of its thousands of minute sticky seeds that stick on my shoes and on my carpet forming dark stains on it.
I told this tree and all the rest (the two on the west side of the house, the line of trees on the south and the two on the east) that I'm starting to see how much we have in common, I asked them how they were doing and thanked them for protecting my home from the heat of the sun. I touched and hugged each one of them and got in the house.
After eating and putting my things away and before going to bed, I did the form "Facing the oncoming time" ... I felt the breeze on my branches, the sounds and music from the seminar were sounding ... I was still singing. I felt the dynamic mood of the trees. After finishing, I paused for an instant ... and a voice, not male nor female and both at the same time, but a human-like audible voice whispered a fraction of an inch away from my right ear ... it made two or three word-like sounds, and for a fraction of an instant I knew what they meant.
But almost instantly, I got a body reaction ... an animal fear that made me jump like a wild cat five feet to the left and instantly forget the meaning of those sounds.
However, the fear went away almost as quickly as it came and what remained was a feeling of oneness ... a sense of balance and well being that brought me another glimpse of the inviting vastness I have around me ready to be explored.
Thank you very much.

When my roots are spreading deep and far
into the vastness of my darling mother earth
I firstly feel her perfume so intense and delicate
speaking to me from the sweet & sour curiosity
of my strange childhood
and then, at once,
I can feel the pleasure of taking shelter and refuge
into the fresh darkness of her deep embrace
and, at the same time,
the joy to grow my branches
high and more high
toward the light to reach the sky
and the warm touch of the wind
that make me singing.

The wind blows out from the trees
when they want to speak.

And me, so a minute black dot,
against the earth's ice caps,
so vast and white.

I remember then
when I was so proud that I wanted to teach
to the trees to grow airborne roots
so to be free to follow our moving...
and now I have to thank them instead,
my forefathers the trees,
to teach me how to be silent, quiet
and connected to all of you
through my magic roots;
and to be so grateful
to the shining revolutionary intent of the nagual
desvelating the old secret
The science of perception
to the all of us.

thank you for your attention
whispering in the wilderness

I have been recording some of my recollections of the workshop. There was an indescribable feeling, that even now, as I write, comes back, pressing into and behind me. From the very beginning of the workshop, after doing the opening sequence of the Facing the Oncoming Time pass, I experienced a change in the vantage point of my perception. It seemed that my visual perception popped, like a blip in the normal radar, that with several deep inhalation and exhalations my point of view, from the area of my eyes, moved lower, to a crouched down position, even though my body hadn't moved. It was as if my breath moved my vantage point. This was very brief and I tried to physically recall the experience again, with no luck.

After vibrating the areas of mystery, and again after the opening sequence of the pass (outlining arcs on the ground with the feet), while centering my body, I had the feeling of every part of my body opening up, like all the pores of my body were open, and I was vibrating or pulsing like an organic sponge in water, or rather from every pore, inhaling and exhaling a watery substance. I became more aware of my back, or what was behind my back, and sensing some movement there. I began to feel with my back.

While practicing the Facing the Oncoming Time pass at the workshop, it seemed that the merest suggestion would elicit powerful feelings, like growing roots and sprouting branches, and awesome to experience with over 300 people. The roots were strong, yet gave me the freedom to move with the slightest breeze, and I remember feeling very light from my lower disc upwards. While practicing at home, I felt my arms like branches sprouting up and out, then the sensation of threads casting out of my wrists, like spider thread, in whatever direction my hands moved. It is a wonderful feeling to sense with my arms and hands and only the slightest emphasis on my eyes. The sensation of branches sprouting out is strongest at the end of the pass when my hands are opening outwards unfolding and revealing all of the fibers all over.

Finally, I need to comment on the affection that has enveloped me each time I recall the workshop.

Interconnecting and mingling my roots with every other tree at the workshop has had a great effect. The interconnectedness of everything is what surfaced when I got on the plane to return to NY. Somehow I feel more open, more able to receive. The feeling had really been there since the workshop, perhaps I was able to acknowledge it because I was again around a large group of people. It seems the feeling of a group, especially with the same intent, is pressing into and behind me.

Thank you for a most wonderful, inspiring experience.

2

Dear Tensegrity instructors and practitioners from Cleargreen!

First of all, thank you very much for making the last Tensegrity workshop, "Facing the Oncoming Time," happen. It was maybe the most beautiful seminar on Tensegrity I have been to; and there are many many experiences and impressions and feelings from this seminar which still are alive and breathing to this very moment.

But right now I want to share one thing which I have noticed and find very interesting. I feel it have not been a random thing or a coincidence that there was so much said by the instructors in this seminar on different occasions about "new" and "seasoned" practitioners and their interactions. Then, there was this appointment with infinity with a witness, where Aerin told the story about her driving experience:-) She and Reni presented this exercise in extremely clear way, but the thing which clicked with me most was how much she had got rid of this "superhuman" look and feel that the Tensegrity instructors sometimes had; or maybe it would be more correct to say that she managed to break this "superhuman Tensegrity instructor" cliche/gloss through which sometimes we tend to look at certain practitioners. She was one of us, a Tensegrity practitioner like any other, at that moment, sitting on the edge of the platform and cleaning her interaction...

And here comes Lorenzo Drake, who raised a hand and told his story pretending he was just a normal practitioner with such artistic grace and so funny!

I might not notice the connection between these moments or would not have any special interest to it if not for some other experiences I had during the workshop, especially while practicing the "Joining forces" series with other practitioners. Two of them were the real "elders," these rare practitioners who were there basically from the first workshops, who saw the Nagual Carlos Castaneda many times. They both know countless magical passes, and both of course know the "In an Instant" and "Joining forces for an instant" forms very well, the forms which put together almost exactly match the new "Joining forces" form. Yet in a sense they both felt to me then like new practitioners, and definitely like somebody who had not mastered the passes we were exploring. One of them was clearly and visibly learning, paying so much attention to get in every detail, it was just a beauty to watch and share. And the other one was even more amazing. There was not a trace in his actions of this sort of confidence one usually projects when does something he knows very well and have done many times.

He almost hesitated before doing each movement, as if not sure it would be right, and also as if he was a bit unsure and even afraid of what would come out of it. There was something very sublime about this way of doing the passes, something that made me shiver.

Another partner I had for this pass was a real "newbie." Maybe not a completely new practitioner, I thought I saw him before in one or two seminars, but definitely he felt very unsure about, well, everything there, and he definitely did not know any fragments of this form before.

He had a translating device to which he listened with enormous concentration without looking around or to the stage, before doing some completely off movement ten seconds later than you would do the right one, he seemed very nervous and tense and almost angry, and he obviously tried to do it right so much that he did most of it wrong. I felt very strongly that I should not try to correct him or point out to his "mistakes": he was already on the edge of exploding. What I did was that I adjusted. At first I would do each movement in a slightly exaggerated way to give him a chance to notice, and then would quickly adjust the position to let us proceed with the next one. Yet a bit later I was doing the movements very softly and lightly, so that these adjustments were smooth and fluid. And it brought something.

Suddenly I felt like I knew this man for ages, I almost felt the sensations in his body, almost heard his thoughts. And I just knew each weird movement he was going to do next, so I was able to get into exactly matching position.

It was a dance just for the two of us, in some dark place full of sharp objects and holes in the floor, they could break your leg. I thought this was the affection at work; although I did not have any warm feelings toward him, but it was a deep connection. When we finished, I felt like this guy really taught me something.

All of this together makes perfect sense in the light of the main theme of the seminar: upcoming time, here and now. But these moments also have something differently special about them. There is something there about "new," "new" not just as a quality of being fresh, or inexperienced, or unknown before; but "new" as something with its own right and power, as if "new" was some energy configuration on itself, had some life on itself. I am not sure if I can explain it clearly. It is just this question the Nagual used to ask his apprentices (and drive them nuts): "What's new?"... --- Well, this is.

Thank you very much for your attention.

The week previous to the seminar I returned to the garden after a long-time absence. I was delighted in anticipation in having again the opportunity to be in that silent and magnificent green world.
In arriving there, I was told that no other people would come due to the rain that was falling that day, but just another person. Later on, before starting the gardening session, I was introduced to her. At the very beginning I felt a little bit shy, and my English, as happens some times in certain social situations, wasn't that much fluent. My lower disk started to feel a bit blocked and I didn't know "what to do."
We were given some general directions and we were let alone. We started our weeding session under this soft, almost tender, caressing rain. The soil was soft in the hand; the leaves were exhaling that soothing scent of moisture. In starting to move, my lower disk blockage disappeared. We were in different places of our designated area. Slowly, silently, as we were removing the weeds, we moved on to the center of that area, where, working together, a casual, relaxed conversation arose.
We discovered we were relying in the other's person "experience." We laughed when we realized that we were both almost newcomers, and a wave of warm empathy, helped by the silence and beauty of the surroundings, passed through us.
As we moved to other areas and tasks we discovered we could help each other almost in an intuitive way, not determined by gender, ideas or even supposed physical capabilities. We enjoyed together and learnt from each other, finishing our assignments almost effortlessly, timelessly, with this sweet tiredness that we feel sometimes when we participate actively and willingly in a task.
A relatively short time had passed, but we felt for each other a strange familiarity, a sort of delicate and respectful brotherhood.

Some times we open our eyes
and we see
what was never there
what was always there
and an immense tidal wave overwhelms us
and leaves us in a place
beyond words,
surrounded by some deep, undefined scent,
somehow familiar.

Some times we open our eyes
and we remember,
at least for an instant,
how sublimely frail and ephemeral we are,
and we know that It is there,
somehow waiting for us.
-------------------------------------------
A veces abrimos los ojos
y vemos
lo que nunca estuvo ahí
lo que siempre estuvo ahí
y una hola inmensa nos avasalla
y nos deja en un lugar
mas allá de las palabras,
envueltos en un perfume hondo e indefinido
y a la vez
extranamente familiar.

A veces abrimos los ojos
y recordamos
aunque mas no sea por un instante
que somos frágil, sublimemente transitorios
y que ello está ahí
y de algún modo nos espera.

Subject: sparkles of the unknown

Dear instructors,

I wanted to take this opportunity to write of a few moments of clear glimpses into the unknown that occurred at the last workshop. It seems that the more I stalk my compulsion for self-reflection at these events and pursue simple, pure awareness, the more these wonderful, rare moments are available, fleeting though they may be.

The first occurred when we were performing the long form using our fingernails to entice the opening of our areas of mystery. We had performed the pass a couple of times, I believe, and had just finished with the vibration at the crown of our heads. I remember the delicious sensations still echoing upward from my crown, and I closed my eyes to focus on the experience. When I extended my awareness toward the stage, I saw a brief but clear gorgeous image form. I saw Aerin sitting on a platform by herself surrounded by a back-drop of emptiness. Directly over her head, maybe 4 feet up, was a corrugated bank of grey clouds, of the stratified variety....very beautiful. It formed a thick sheet over her extending in all directions. As she was finishing the pass, extending her hands slowly above her head, a perfectly circular hole opened in the clouds over her head, as if cut out with a cookie cutter. Through the hole shone a beautiful pale blue light, illuminating her in a cone. Interpretations aside, it was a gorgeous display. Again, the image was available for a beautiful, glowing moment.

The second phenomenon occurred during the same pass practiced at a different time. Again, I closed my eyes to focus on the sensation of stimulating these areas with the backs of my nails. The dreaming awareness soon came into play as I relaxed and "watched" the sensation.
I began to see these delicate ripples of multi-colored light emanating from the sensation. Then I knew that the ripples ARE the sensation itself. It looked similar to the ripples seen when a winged insect is trying to free itself from the surface of still water. Very subtle, yet exquisite.

These were awesome moments in and of themselves, but the third can only be described as.....AWESOME! We were performing the wonderful pass, Meeting Oncoming Time Saturday night. Miles had asked the lights to be dimmed, enticing magic. Very quickly, we learned this pass as a group and began to perform magic with it, it seemed. At one particularly "full" moment, when we were all extending our branches down and outward at the end of the pass, I closed my eyes again. I saw a magnificent sight. I was looking at a gathered ring of hundreds of creatures made of a gold-white light.

They were people shaped trees! As their branch-arms extended slowly out and down, I saw a spray of light extend to form thin branches from their hands outward and from their legs downward and from their heads upward. I realized that they ARE us, a gathered ring of practitioners, all of us dreaming.....dreaming. Whoa! So now I prepare for a rendezvous with a tree, or a bunch of them, who knows. With the pass, I catch a glimpse of roots growing down and out, feeling cold earth pack around my legs to my waist and feeling cool lines of energy being drawn upward into me. Seeing glances of clouds of leaves around my hands reaching up, up compiling and organizing energy from the sun. Spinning it and weaving it into an unfathomable art too intricate to be permanent. I'll get back to y'all on this one.

Perhaps this is a good time to post my one and only poem worth mentioning to date. Because, at the time, my heart was bent toward the Spirit.

I have dreamed of floating free
As if suspended in outer space.
And then traveling outward, for the joy of it...
Perhaps never completely beyond
The influences of celestial bodies.
But with the confidence and elegance
To move amongst these giants,
These incalculable forces,
Without being swallowed or torn apart.

See y'all soon,

Hi,

I thought I would share an experience I had at the workshop with all the Tensegrity instructors and participants.

On the last set of tree passes that we performed with the music I had an interesting experience.

Before we did the passes, my confidence in performing them was low, so I decided to abandon myself to the pass and perform them without worrying about if I was doing them correct or not.

While performing the passes I had a perceptual experience that lasted about 15-20 seconds. My entire midsection, chest, arms and back felt as if a sheen or coat of energy or something was growing and spreading over my entire body. I had the sensation that it felt like a soft energetic fur that was very comfortable and pleasant feeling on my body. I'm not sure, but I would have to describe it as the description that you mentioned of bark growing on me.

Now that a couple of days have passed I am already starting to doubt the experience. It is quite surprising to me that I had this experience, because I had an expectation that it takes a long time practicing the form to get any kind of noticeable result. I guess I was wrong on that one.

Thanks for listening.

I'd like to write you a little bit about my experience with the other French practitioners.
The first day I went to eat lunch with some of them. It was strange because neither X, nor Y who are the more linked with me came with us. I had the feeling they were keeping a distance. I went to eat with five people from Paris, with one of which I had once "shared" this feeling of being offended. That time everything was fine. I asked them about the practice in Paris. Their response was unanimous. People were less and less motivated, they could hardly keep two sessions a week, the atmosphere of the practices was not encouraging for beginners. It was a kind of disaster, of fatality... I listened to them.

After that moment we worked with a witness in the seminar, and as an example of something that gets us I chose something that had happened to me during this lunch. At one point of my conversation with a practitioner I had started to judge him. He was telling me about a recent trip he had done in the land of Indians Navajo where he had seen a shaman dance "not for tourists" according to his own words. When he said these words I started to freeze and my internal dialogue started to come between me and the real conversation. I started to think: "it's so common, it's always what everybody say, he is going to talk to me during an hour about these Indians, he is such an intellectual, in fact he is a real French, a real Parisian French, I am so different, I am from the south, I am losing my time..." I was still looking at him but I was not seeing him anymore. I was just seeing my internal dialogue. My body was frozen even if I was adopting a posture that looked "relaxed."

I was not conscious of my breathing and my feet were starting to move nervously under the table. At that point there was no way to make me notice anything around and as a consequence no way for me to respond appropriately to anything. The only living thing in me was this internal dialogue. This machine who had already created the same kind of sentences thousands of times. This didn't last long and was almost not noticeable in the conversation but I chose that to say to the witness. While I was recounting that to him I discovered that this structure of thoughts I had related to French people was really repetitive. I remembered my father who was always telling me that first I was Spanish, only in second position I was Italian and French and finally a little bit German. He was telling me that since my childhood referring himself to the percentage of each different blood I had in my veins. In a way he was saying that I was living in France but France was not my real country (even if he himself always talked to me in French) and I had also to be a little bit careful with French people. I didn't have to forget the atrocities Napoleon's (the dictator from the point of view of my father) armies had committed in Spain...

Telling all that and more to the witness I didn't really find a solution to get out of this. I thought I could just concentrate on breathing when it happens or also that I should be more curious about what the other person has to say and not judge his experience but on the contrary ask for more details, see where I can go with him, why he is telling me that at that very moment... It was obvious that this internal dialogue was just keeping me away from the pleasure to interact and from discovering things about the other and about myself.
Telling all that to the witness was really liberating. I had just written four or five sentences on my notebook and I couldn't end talking to him, things were coming out. It was like if my own words were overcoming the limits of my language, my own structure of thoughts. This moment was a real fight (or abandon). My words were talking more than my mind could conceive (or allow). They were a step ahead of me and I was looking at them liberating all this unspeakable stuff. It was almost as if I was going in a forbidden space with my words. I had already by the past noticed this structure of thoughts about French people but I had never talked so much about it to someone else. While I was talking some part of me was even thinking: "Hey what are you doing? Are you crazy to let these things coming out that way? Do you really realize you are letting them go in the outside? Do you realize you can lose them for ever by acting that way?" and there was a little contraction in my stomach. My witness was laughing of what I was saying. She was treating me without pity. She was a stranger to me. I should have retreated but I was still talking. I couldn't stop it. My body knew I was there to do the exercise and I had to go until the end of it no matter what my thoughts were.

The next day, during the lunch break, I asked Y and X if they wanted to eat with me. Some other French people joined us and we met some more at the restaurant. We talked together and the atmosphere was really light and enjoyable. I felt a real complicity with the one I once had had a "self-important" argument with, and with X I experienced exactly this word you talked about: collaboration.

There was a perfect connection and it was not a matter of being "kind," it was just happening. When we got out of the restaurant I suddenly realized that it was so easy to communicate with them because we were speaking the same language and also it was so incredible that these people had come from so far away just to attend a two-day seminar, that they were dedicating themselves to the same thing I was, that it was my only chance to enjoy their presence maybe in a whole year. At that point we thanked each other for that lunch and a wave of affection embraced us. I first didn't notice what had happened there, but when we did the exercise of writing a moment of collaboration, I immediately chose this lunch and the fact of writing it down made me understand what had really happened. I even felt that the connection between us had been so deep that it was going to affect the whole body of French practitioners.

It was like if an event had occurred that was changing something for all the French practitioners. I had the feeling that for the first time this had happened. Before, even if as French people we had sometimes tried to act as a group, in fact we were each one acting for ourselves. Each one trying to be recognized by the instructors or by the other practitioners. For the first time something was happening beyond this limit. And it was at the same time something directly linked with the seminar and not. Linked because it was the consequence of passing the wall of judgments and not linked because it was not in the context of the seminar.

It was in the context of a lunch time, in the context of a daily encounter, and it was the perfect occasion to notice that practicing magical passes is not enough, and that we have this huge zone of our daily interaction to get in contact with knowledge. It was the perfect example. For the first time we had acted as a unit, as a group, nobody had abandoned the power of his own decision to the group and nobody had tried to lead the other ones in his own direction. It was a real magical moment far from whatever I could have expected. I had the feeling that infinity had touched us at the door of this restaurant. (Also something truly magical is that we are strangers the ones to the others, we are not expecting anything from each other, we all have different lives, and suddenly this affection. That's the door of the mystery...)

Thank you

Thank you for the stories. Thank you all for a magnificent workshop. The Nagual Lujan's "In An Instant" really made me take a deeper look into the complex onions that we all are. Each person with whom I did the pass brought out different aspects of myself -- the negative,the nervous,the exhuberant, the funny, the receptive, the sober. An unsettling delight. And then: Facing Oncoming Time!....until the next full moon --

Hi, thanks for the workshop.

Starting Saturday morning and going on continuously since then, my assemblage point is shifting back and forth like a ping-pong ball.

I've grasped somewhat, thanks to the same witness at lunch on Sunday who helped me find a removable piece of the structure I'm using to hold on to nervousness, the difference between shift and move.

Some aspects of tensegrity remind me of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I think AA has helped make tensegrity accessible to me. For instance, I was able to recognize before I attended a workshop that the person at the practice group who annoyed me most probably was going to be someone I was going to learn from.

I am still learning from that person. Last night at a practice group after the workshop, I went in expecting her to have changed. But instead she is still the way she is. This is fine. She has a lot to teach me. She knows the movements and I don't. Her personality mirrors some traits that are mine that I don't like. Also she has other aspects that I don't have, but do want.

I've explained tensegrity to my friends as a logical extension of AA (the physical movements I compare to Yoga). AA is practical. For me tensegrity is more so. Besides giving practical ways to get along living in this world, I like the acknowledgement of and practical ways to get along living in the other realities.

For the next full moon I'll be back to you with my moments of cooperation. Right now I only have moments of compromise. I was going to say compromise was without affection. I saw before I could put down those words that the affection can come from me. If I want the affection, I can put in the affection and make compromise into cooperation. Maybe with the woman in the practice group? Maybe not?

Like I said, my assemblage point is shifting back and forth like a ping-pong ball.

With gratitude and affection.

February 17

It's looks like these workshops are specifically designed for me, and me that I was looking for a personal touch... it's there

I noticed that the workshops [themes and] contents are touching some very delicate spots of my past:

Arthropoda

In the past I had a strange feeling with insects, no fear or distaste at all, they behave good with me, but I was always thinking that they were too different from me, may be ET invasors...
In October I started to practice by myself the magical pass of the butterfly, what a change! So delicate a feeling took me over that I was using this pass to move my assembly point when I got to heavy. Then I went to the mini workshop in Berlin, I didn't know why till we made the new form of butterfly of the day and I learned to intent the pass motionless: with the eyes shut I started to see with my antennas!

The Tree

There is a tree with which I have a very special relation. It stands, alone, above Real de 14, Mexico, where you cannot see the village anymore but the vision of Mount Quemado, the holy mountain, opens to your eyes. I used to go there daily for meditation and exercise under its branches, before to start to practice Tensegrity. Once it happened something strange: one evening I was coming back from a rich day on the Mount Quemado with Mescalito and I stopped to that my favorite spot near my friend the tree laying down to relax on the earth with my feet looking at its trunk and suddenly I felt a force opening my skin under my belly, the tree was doing it!?. I got afraid, I remembered that Don Juan has said that there is the opening where the death comes. I fast stood up and went away. I was out of alignment: the dogs that always leave me in peace started to bark at me, and i had to take stones in my hand otherwise they were attacking me.

In the times after I avoided to go back to that tree, I was thinking that tree had done something wrong to me... but I love it and I couldn't keep this offended position too long. I realized that it had taught me something about not to open me too much, specially where I'm not invited... Perhaps I had invaded its place and not so lightly.

Today morning while practicing the tree form I remembered that last year I went back to that tree practicing the form of the inner silence, including the position of the tree, my hands moving in the wind, for months under its high branches, every morning finding the half moon shaped tracks of my passes of the day before...

It's important for me to discover that in the last workshops always we're studying the passes that I had already chosen to practice daily (the same is happening with the masculine form, that a voice in the night had ordered me to start to practice, and the teflon balls...). My energetic fibers feel properly when the mind stops. I like to learn new things always, but I rejoice when we do something that is already in my life, it's a confirmation to be on the right way, and to get more tools to follow this (my) way. I took the decision to follow this lineage path when I read the Active Side of Infinity: with different words, sobriety(!?), and clarity the Nagual was speaking about events, experiences and thoughts they were in my life! And before to read that book I was thinking to have gone insane because of them!!!

I'm really longing now to go to practice the complete form of the tree with my friend the tree in Real de 14 to face together, if it feels to do it, the oncoming time.

I'll let you know (I hope soon)

February 24

For the 1st time during these times of intense work this morning I did the tree form by the trees.
I saw them at sunrise time, from the terrace of the place I was staying, and I decided to go there for practicing the form.
They are pines, some tall and older, some young and thin.
I've to find a spot with enough space clean from rocks and flat enough to make the passes. I found a place where I thought: "I am not by the big tree I was looking at from down, but I am by all of them."
When I started the passes the 1st thing I noticed was that while standing feeling my roots they were growing much wider than usual, really to cover all of the areas touched by my half-moon shaped passes before.
While practicing I couldn't reach a complete inner silence but my thoughts (blessed by mosquito bites) didn't go to my business pressing me a lot, but instead they were a sort of spontaneous recapitulation of LA practice group.
When I moved my branches around I realized that I have a small pine at my back. I noticed it before when I put my bag behind it, under its protection, but I didn't realize how much it was near to me, I had to bend my arm to make it pass. While doing the cleaning of the plane 360 degrees around, my hands passed exactly on the spot of its trunk where it received, in the past, two axe's blows. The scars were exactly on the way of my sweeping hands that brushed them, not harming, but may be gently healing.
It was wounded like me the tree with which I re-aligned myself and practiced the form to face the oncoming time.

Dear navigators,

There is so much to tell, but I want to keep it clear and concise. The workshop itself was a sheer joy. More and more I feel free to perceive at these gatherings, and abstract affection seems to be within the source of the perception. There were lots of rare moments of experience during the seminar which were indisputable manifestations of the unknown. Each were sparkling jewels in and of themselves.

But in this post I want to write about a body of knowledge which is being presented to me and which was illuminated during one of the talks. A few weeks ago, I was engaged in inner silence and found myself smack dab in front of a magnificent vista of corrugating, vibrating ripples and sprays of multi-colored light. The whole display involved a gorgeous fluid dynamic almost impossible to describe. I found myself wanting to move into it....to play in it, so to speak. Soon I was navigating through tubes and along canyons of vibrating lines of energy. It seemed this could go on forever. At one point I heard a voice say, "It is better to have access to this state first. Once access to the abstract, this fluid matrix, is established, you can go anywhere.....it supercedes rules." As with previous occurrences with this voice in inner silence, the knowledge starts with a type of direct bodily experience and then reduces to a verbal elucidation when I surface, so to speak.
About a week before the seminar, I again found myself within this incredible view during inner silence. It seemed filled with bizarre creatures made purely of undulating lines of light. Their movement seemed similar to the mesmerizing ocean jellyfish which are on display at the Birch aquarium here in La Jolla. We seemed to regard each other...the mood was an elegant curiosity, and then they would move on. As I continued to navigate through these fields of energy, I heard the voice again. It said very clearly and deliberately, "Navigation is the balance between UNION and DISTINCTION." As it stated this, I was given the practical application in this state. I could open myself and acquiesce to the abstract, this fluid matrix. This is the FEMALE. Then I could focus and stalk a single attribute of the matrix; a thread or a ripple or a vortex (this seemed more difficult for me. I would lose the thread after short periods of time). This is the MALE. With this vehicle, worlds like or unlike this one can be accessed if desired. I will say that I caught just a glimpse of this possibility.
My excitement brought me quickly out of this state. I was reminded of an occurrence a while back when I saw a phrase in magazine ad stating, "Sharpen your focus." As I read it, I received a jolt. It was the spirit talking. Again, I had the image of a camera opening to the panoramic view. The next exercise is to sharpen that view...to focus on all those wonderful new details made available by the shift. Its like a breath....expand, open up.....then contract or focus, stalking the detail. Female and then Male. Union and distinction. When you mentioned the possibility of stalking the Unknowable during the seminar, all the elements of the structure came together, if only for an instant!

Now it must be practiced, practiced, practiced!
Yeeehaw!

What an inspiring two days! How awesome to experience the full spectrum from the known to the frontiers of the unknowable!

The immediate impact is a definite new awareness of my left body. New perceptions occurring with the branches, the back, the roots... with an immediate and pragmatic consequence that I wanted to share with you.
I thoroughly enjoyed our Q/A session, and I will try to express why.

The warrior's path is not that easy, as you mentioned, we've been tricked into it at first, and now we continue to trick ourselves into this extraordinary evolution opportunity that the Nagual has opened for us.
Like everyone else, I am facing difficulties on this path. I don't mean problems, as I perceive life as a gift we are responsible to create. I mean challenges, which need to be acknowledged if we want to create, because they are part of our reality. Thank you for sharing what you perceived as challenging for you, demonstrating that it's at the same time challenging and driving. It's very helpful because what you said is so human, and it will help me with my own share of human interactions challenges!

Another major challenge for me was (yes, was) the pragmatic cognitive consequence of not having ever interacted with the Nagual. As, for very obvious reasons, this can't be part of your own cognition (you, his direct apprentices), I thought I'd try to share this fact with you.

Knowing so little about the Nagual has been very challenging, in my perception at least. It produced an immense and overwhelming feeling of "manque" (longing?), all over these past years. I trust you will believe me if I say it's not about ridiculous worshipping: it's about missing to understand the humanness of an extraordinary being. I knew that I had to overcome this "manque" somehow, because I know from facts that it was limiting my cognitive possibilities.
I want to stress how important it has been, seminar after seminar, to hear about even the simplest, mundane interactions you had with the Nagual. For reasons I ignore, the impact of hearing these stories is so very profound. For instance, I loved Gavin's quote about the Ultimate Magical Pass: Affection and Care for another human being! That is so inspiring.

So when you decide to sit down with us and share bits and pieces of your experience, be aware that this is incredibly helpful for us, practitioners. The meaning is very profound, as it connects us directly with a different energy.

The immediate net result of the Q/A session is that I left it with a great feeling of fulfillment. I now know, deep inside, that this longing is over for good, for whatever mysterious reason, and that this simple fact opens the door to new cognitions.
.
I am aware of this immense responsibility that goes with the role that you and your friends instructors have chosen. And all of you are so much "a la hauteur." Thank you.

Dear Instructors,

I would like to relate to you the story of my encounter with a tree. It happened the day before the workshop, Friday, before going to Anaheim. I had packed everything to go to the hotel in Anaheim and wanted to spend the time I had left in the open air so I decided to go to Huntington Gardens. I knew there would be a lot of traffic on Friday afternoon so I decided I had about two hours there and took my time visiting the Japanese garden, the house and zen-garden and some of the pavilions with an exhibition of William Blake. As I was about to leave and arrived at the exit I saw a sign for the desert-garden and thought I would like to see that too, and although I felt it was about time to leave I decided to just take a look.

I walked in and saw a beautiful strong thick tree that had thorns on its bark. I had never seen a tree with thorns before so it fascinated me, but the tree was standing too far from the path to get a clear look. I wanted to know if the thorns were really sharp. I walked on and took just a short tour around. When I went back on the main street I passed by another tree that had thorns on its bark. It stood only a few feet from the path on a small grass-field with two others of the same kind. I walked up to feel the thorns which started about shoulder height. They were really sharp and taking a good look the tree seemed really magnificent. I looked up and saw that the bark seemed to have a yellow-golden color, with circles around the bark. It looked like a really powerful beam of energy emerging from the earth. Like I usually do I put my hand on the bark to feel the tree, and always at these moments I feel like shaking the tree's hand, and asked it how it was. At that point I was about to walk away when the tree spoke to me. I had already taken a few steps, but I felt very strongly that it said, "Hug me."

I felt too self-conscious, especially because there were some young women coming down the path, so I was not going to do that. I took some more steps, but felt very strong something pulling me back. In my head I responded "You know how I feel I shook your hand" nevertheless the feeling remained, but I did not do it. I left and went to Anaheim. Normally this incident would have had a small impression but I would not have thought about it anymore. This time however, with the workshop, the whole incident stayed with me throughout the two days in Anaheim, and I felt that I had to go back to see the tree again. I did not know exactly what to do or why but I thought if not for anything else then it would be for making a gesture of acknowledgement. It turned out Huntington Gardens was open only from Tuesday noon on. So I had only a few moments before I had to leave.

I arrived a little early and because I did not want to pay again for the entrance I explained what I wanted to the guard; I told him I had had such a great time there on Friday that I wanted to go back to say thank you, just for ten minutes. After some thought he let me in and I walked to the tree and hugged him right away and stayed sitting there in silence for just a few moments. The tree did not say anything specific this time, but as I walked back it seemed that all the other creatures that live there knew what was going on and what I had come to do. When I told the story to my friends here one told me that it so often happens that we have a moment of magic, which is only an instant and that we have to capture that moment.

Another pointed out that because of how it happened the first instant I had had a bond with that tree for all the three days in Anaheim. Thank you so much for these magical passes, it has a wonderful mood. On the one hand there is the pressure to hurry and on the other hand there is this quiet, steady, and alert feeling of acknowledging what happens. To have both options it seems I have to use all my body to sense which way to go.
It's like giving all input there comes in a place in how I live. Like silent knowledge.


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